Breaking

It's not easy to break.  You know you're doing it. You can't stop, and yet, you must. 

I've been breaking this week and pushing against it all the way. Things are coming up in my life that I thought were far in the past. Hurts and griefs, bits of unforgiveness are flooding my senses. It's like it all needs to happen at once. I can't rest until I'm broken all the way.

As I think of it, I'd really like to get it over with. But it doesn't work that way either. Through the brokenness, there are still those moments of utter ecstasy. I still get encouraged, things get solved. But, I keeping having to learn that life is a process. It isn't about completing a list of things. Once you've crossed the last thing off, you don't drop dead. Done. It's more work than that. It's about people and relationships.

Sometimes you cry a lot.

Yet.

The sun still shines. Your favorite pink sweater still makes you feel special. Things are right, as well as wrong. These things were wrong before, but now you know about them, they repulse you, and you are ridding yourself of them, with help. 

I may be broken (still breaking perhaps) but I was always bent and crooked. Now, perhaps, with help, I can grow together again, straight and tall.