It's Called a Breakup 'Cause It's Broken
So, I checked out this book from the library today. The title is above. Yes, I know. I read most of it.
Okay, almost all of it.
It told me that "he doesn't want you to call him"
Okay, got that.
"It's called a break-up 'cause it's broken, there must be some reason that you broke up (or were broken up with)"
"You are a superfox who deserves better"
This book advised working out, avoiding copious drinking/eating/sleeping. You know, obsessive behavior.
Today I got together for coffee with an old friend. She and I talked, conversing about boys and the brokenness in our lives. She said something that brought strength and hope to my heart.
"We're human, Cara. Guys are human too. They think they have to have it all together, but they can't and we can't and somehow, God gives us the grace to make it. But we have to let Him."
Here we were, two single (though she is giving a guy another chance) women who love God and want to do things the right way, saving the world, one latte at a time. (Actually, she had a triple and I had tea, but whatever).
Just like I've been learning in the rest of my life, it's not life and death. That part of my life is over. I have passed from death into life, this is all just the prologue now.
My uncle called me today, out of the blue. The first question he asked me was about my boyfriend. You'd think I talked about him or something (!). One thing that really disappointed me in all of this was not getting to visit this uncle this summer (I was supposed to attend a wedding with the best man). Uncle Alex (who does not like me to call him that because it makes him feel old) told me that we'd make a visit happen this summer.
None of this is life and death.
I have a friend right now who is dealing with life and death with her dad. She and her family are watching and praying and hoping and not sleeping much.
My problems and everything seem small. My hurt ego and rejected self are smarting. I want to flirt, to kiss, to pick up the phone and smile before I say hello. I want to walk down the street and know that somebody loves me and promised that they always will.
Someone human, that is.
Also, someone who is not my mother.
My uncle told me that he's sorry about my break-up, but this might just be a good thing. Another friend told me that this could be a real point of growth. The friend I had coffee with said that she wanted to be the angry friend in this story.
What do I want?
I want to lead a quiet life, to mind my own business and to work with my hands.
I want to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and watch all these things be added to me.
I want to be that 'wife of someone's youth' that they delight in.
I want to be that good and faithful servant.
I want to enter into the joy of my Master.
Rejection hurts, I'm not going to lie. Today I was rejected again, in a different way. I went to talk to my former boss (at the library here in Spokane) about getting a job here this summer. We were both honest and up front, and what she said made sense. But I still felt a little rejected.
"You're great, we like you, but we don't need you, we don't want you."
"You're the greatest, you're wonderful, you're amazing."
Yes, I know. I'll remember that.
One of my friends told me yesterday that I was "certifiably hot." She offered to make me a certificate. I declined that honor.
It's called a breakup 'cause it's broken. Well, according to this book, when you ask yourself all those questions that sad people do (does he miss me as much as I miss him? NO, otherwise he would be calling you and working on your relationship. etc.) you should remember that you are desirable and sexy and that your next boyfriend (and lasting love and happiness) are right around the corner. So give into your sadness and get over it so you can get on to what you really should be excited about! Leave the loser in the dust.
So much for previous commitment.
Clearly, this is all about me.
This is my breakup and my life and my body and my everything.
Any of you guys who know me, you know this: when someone says, this is how we do this, I say "why?"
Nothing about me is usual, what makes me think that my break-up will be?
I'll keep ya'all posted.