When Things Aren't What They Should Be

Today I found out that Lauren Winner, perhaps my favorite writer of Christian non-fiction, is coming out with a new book. It's being published in January, and I was excited to get myself on the list at the library. It's called Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis, and it's about the doubts that surfaced about her faith during and after her divorce. Her love story has always inspired me. I want one just like it. I still do, in many ways, but it breaks my heart that her marriage is over. She is one of my heroes. She inspires me in my faith. She's written about things that I believe in deeply, like the importance of including community in marriage, the importance of waiting, the sacramental nature of sex. It's not that marriage and relationships are all that she writes about, far from it, but these things flash before my eyes right now as I think about her and grieve. I might not know her personally, but her books make me feel like I do. This is awful and I want to cry.

In some ways, it makes me question things that I think. I've looked at her story with joy and awe for so long that I'm not sure how to carry on in the wake of her divorce. Does this mean that there isn't any hope? If Lauren can get a divorce, so can anyone, right?

I guess this is where faith comes in. I certainly don't have it all together in that department either. There are times when I am doubtful that God is working, that I struggle with what is, that I don't know where to turn. But the truth is still the truth: God is God, He is in control and I am learning more and more about trusting Him, day by day.

I'm looking forward to reading Lauren's book. I want to see if she has come to the same conclusion.