Sunshine and Shade

In my last post, I shared that I feel like I'm in the February of my life, and since I wrote those words, I haven't been able to stop thinking about them. I don't know about you, but I forget what the rest of the year is like when I'm not in it. I forget how cold it can get here in the Pacific Northwest (or the Midwest for that matter). I forget about the days when I think that I will never be able to walk outside again, when I crave the ability to go without a coat, when I both smile and sigh at the sun because it promises something it can't deliver.

Life is a cycle, and filled with seasons as well. When I'm not in a season, I forget what that season feels like. I wonder sometimes how I can be so shortsighted. It's easy to tell myself that spring and summer are coming, even if I don't feel them coming. Why isn't it easy to tell myself that the hard things in my life will not always been as hard as they are, and some things will be more difficult, and some things will be more wonderful than I can imagine?

Some moments of days have been wonderful lately, little moments filled with sunshine, even though it's cold. Some have been hard, crushing, even.

Since reading MWF seeking BFF in December last year, I've been thinking differently about relationships and my community. One part of that is that I've been talking a lot more with a lot more people. I'm realizing, through all this conversation, that I'm not alone with this February season. The people in my life: parents, spouses, singles, fiance(e)s, children, friends, loners, workers, they all walk through a life dappled with sun, sometimes obscured by a tree, or a cloud.

It doesn't always make me feel better to realize that I'm a part of this community, that no one enjoys the ride all the time, to be honest. If I believe what I'm writing here, it means that I will never "make it" to that place where everything is lovely and perfect and serene and goes my way.

This is true. I never will.

No matter how much my circumstances change, for the good, or the bad, I will have moments of sunshine and moments of shade. I'm learning to bask in the sunshine, and to see God in it's absence. I'm learning all of this in a context of people I never could have predicted or curated, and for that, I am so thankful.

If you're in a place of sunshine, enjoy it, friend. Hold onto the rays, soak them up and pull others into it.

If you're in the shade, get around people, read a good book, call to mind the promises of God and pour a glass of wine. Or maybe, maybe you should have a "nothing party" like one of my blogger "friends" did.

If you, like me, feel like sun and shade are switching so fast that you can't get straight how you're supposed to feel, please remember this along with me: “Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight, At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more, When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death, And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.”

Thanks for walking with me, friends.