Grace (for me)
I accomplished a lot last week, but I didn't accomplish it all. I had all sorts of plans and things to cross off my to-do list. But things came up that I wasn't expecting, I got tired, I got hungry. Several times, I became frustrated with myself.
Can't you just pull it together?
I am not always kind to myself. Sometimes, I expect superhuman things out of a human body and mind.
I would not (and do not) expect this from others. I have had many conversations about this topic with a dear friend over the years. Once, she wrote to me: give yourself the same grace you would give to me.
If I'm honest, this is just another kind of pride, isn't it? I don't need grace, that's for other people. They can make mistakes or not measure up, but I can't. I can achieve perfection on my own. I don't need God.
What an ugly lie.
For one thing, I need grace as much as anyone. I am sometimes surprised at how apparent my need for grace is when I am paying attention. I find myself crying out to God:
Pour some on me, please.
One of my favorite books is Grace for the Good Girl by Emily Freeman. She confronts this lie, that you don't need grace, that you can be good enough. I read this book and it changed the way I think and live, but it didn't solve my problem. I'm not done learning about how much I need grace.
This week was a good example of how I can so easily get sucked into a lie. I think this is why community is so important. Who knows how long I could go without having these things brought to light without a community of believers surrounding me? How long would it be before someone spoke truth into a black hole?
This week, I wish you grace in abundance, to give away, and to keep.