Let Down

I was brought up with an awareness of the humanity of others. I learned early on that I couldn't expect perfection from other people, and that, sooner or later, everyone would let me down.

What I didn't realize, for a long time, is that I am part of that "everyone."

As I write this, I am lying as flat as possible on my couch. My body is fighting a virus, for the second time this month, and I am frustrated with myself.

If I had my way, I wouldn't get sick, ever. I would never make a mistake, never disappoint anyone, never fail anyone, including myself.

But this is not the case.

When I give others the benefit of the doubt, but fail to do the same for myself, I am ignoring my humanity. Worse than this, I am failing to recognize that the only Being who will never let me down is certainly not me, but God.

Perfect beings do not need a savior. Jesus, the only perfect person, was the Savior.

I give myself pep talks sometimes. I tell myself to "get it together" or "keep it together." I have good intentions, but these things are not my job. It is God who holds all things together (including me) it is God who guides my steps and orders my path.

I do not always live like I believe these things.

It is times like today, as I smack hard against my limitations, my pain threshold, my very humanity, that I realize that it is always true that I am imperfect. It is always true that I am not the only one that I can count on to do what is best for me. It is always true that God is perfect. He is the only one I can always count on. He moves, without fail, with my very best interests in mind.

The illusion of perfection does not work for me. It doesn't work when I have to confront my sin nature and see my own weaknesses. It doesn't work when I cave in to tiredness or careless words, or temptation. It does not work, even when it appears to, and all is clicking into place.

The truth remains that I will continue to let myself down, and others, too.

The truth remains that God will never let me down, or anyone else, either.

I can spend time bemoaning my humanity, fighting against it and expressing my frustration, or I can glory in the fact of a God who does not struggle with the limitations that I face, and the joyous truth that my limitations can be signs which point to Him.