Chaos, Order and Exceptions to the Rule
Today, something clicked for me in my Critical Approaches to Literature class. (I love it when college applies to real life!) We were talking about the poem "I will put chaos into fourteen lines" by Edna St. Vincent Millay. In it, she talks about how Chaos, is bad and she will make it good by mingling it with Order. There is one line which got to me:
He is nothing more or less/than something simple not yet understood
Even as I raised a hand and made an argument regarding sonnet form, I realized that there is a lot to this poem, and that I am just like Edna. I don't want Chaos in my life. I don't want ambiguity. I want it all in a box, mingled with order. I want it all understood.
It made me think of my second semester Spanish class. I remember when my professor told us that the "we" verb forms never changed.
Until we left present tense.
He'll say "this will always be like this...except when it's not."
I want a framework to live inside. I want to know that the rules never change.
Except when they do.
I realize that I do this, and I've never thought about what this means. If I take Chaos and put it into 14 lines, if I tame this beast, am I lying to myself? Is it possible to tame Chaos?
I have to say, God has been working with me on just these things lately. He's making me live every moment, one at a time. Someone asked me last Thursday what I was doing for the weekend. I hadn't thought about it.
The weekend came, with it, challenges and things to do, but I didn't think about it until I did.
Each day has enough trouble of it's own.
I keep thinking that something I can do, somehow I set things up, that it makes a difference. It's like one of those books with a twist ending. The whole book, you know there is a twist, but you can't figure it out. It still comes, whether you do or not, and honestly, you often enjoy it more when you haven't deduced it.
My life is unfolding, one moment at a time. It won't fit into 14 lines, or a box. It won't do much more than exchange phone numbers with Order (though it has it's type-A moments).
I like to say, along with my favorite writing professor of all time, that I write unexpected fiction. People always ask me what that means and I tell them that it's the kind of fiction that makes you go, "Wow, that's really cool."
My life might not be fiction, but God is writing it, and I think that this very well might be His intention. I want my life to be such that people stop and go, "Wow, isn't God cool?"