Yup, that is where I am this weekend, adopted by my wonderful roommate. She has actually made my dreams (of sharing clothes and having cool conversations, praying together) come true, and I am very thankful for this year, and for the fact that I get to live with her for part of next year as well.
I'm working through a lot right now.
One of the things that I have realized (not without help) is that I'm always going to be. There is never going to be a time in my life where it all clicks together and I "have it" and it's perfect.
My ballet teacher (whom I loved) always used to frustrate me. She would come and check my position and watch me move. "It's coming" she would say. All I ever wanted to hear was: "It's here."
If that was the case, I would have been done. I could have coasted through the rest of ballet. Turning off my brain. That wouldn't have worked out so well.
But I wanted it.
I still want it, I realize.
It's not that I'm not willing to work hard and grow, but I want to know what is going on, to have my dreams come true.
I still have dreams.
I've been doing a lot of praying, and a lot of searching.
This is what I've found:
"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you" (and the context of that verse).
"You are altogether beautiful my darling, and there is no blemish in you"
"I will betroth you to Me forever"
"I have loved you with an everlasting love"
Here in Michigan, I am learning that balance is something that everyone struggles with, and that it's something that I'm going to struggle with for the rest of my life. Slowly, I'm learning to be okay with that. With not being good at living, or at balancing.
Just like any other dance, any other that I have ever done, I'll miss steps, I'll trip, or I'll try to lead when I'm supposed to follow. Or, I might follow the wrong person.
But it's not life and death.
That has been covered.
It's just a dance.