I hate saying goodbye. Tonight was my last night at small group and I limited my long farewell speech to a few chosen words. Also, I did not cry. I wanted to.
The thing is, these people have become family. No, we're not best friends and I don't know all their middle names and favorite colors. But I like them a lot.
I was thinking today about all that I am leaving, and that I get to come back to most of it next year. And that I don't have to come back to all of it if I don't want to.
This last week has given me a lot of perspective, a perspective which group tonight helped to shape. I can't do this on my own in a vacuum. I want to, but I can't. Right now, I feel totally centered and relaxed and content. There is nothing I would change. But I'm not always going to feel that way. I had the chance to talk to a very dear friend today. We've been playing phone tag all summer. I told her about some of the changes in my outlook. She asked if she could get it in writing. I hope she does. I want to remember that this is who I am.
Another part of who I am has to do with saying goodbye. I'm a mess when it comes to leaving people. I have been known to cry for days. Seriously. I get attached to people and I've struggled with that part of me my entire life. It's hard to love people. For me, it's really hard to leave people or to watch them leave. This last week I met someone, connected with them and didn't really feel anything when I left. It wasn't any fun. Honestly, I'd rather be me and get attached and be in pain than not care.
That's just me.
So, goodbyes are being said to Spokane, but mostly to those who dwell here that I love. Not everyone will be here when I return. I'm missing a friend's going away party in September which sounds like a hoot. I will have already gone away. But it's ok. I don't know much, but I know how the story ends, and it doesn't end with goodbye.