Life After Graduation
has hit. Other than being sick, it's been uneventful so far. I still do the same things. I go to the library 3 or 4 (or 5) times a week, watch movies, eat. I guess it's the interesting and exciting stuff that takes time, right? Time.
For the first time in a long time, I have lots of it. I remember during finals week and before saying that I just wished that I had time for a few things. What were those things again?
I think that I'm still under a sort of delusion that I will go back to school in the fall, that some crazy tractor beam will pull and drag me to an institution of higher education and force me to learn again.
That would be a bit easier wouldn't it?
I've talked to some good friends lately about life after graduation. Mostly, they all say the same things..."I didn't think I'd be here," "It all takes time."
Time. That's right, that is what I have a world of, right here at my fingertips.
The hard part about moving on is that you often don't have anywhere to move on to. That is where I am right now, uncertain about the future, but well out of the past. As Owl City has said in musical form "this is the future and you are alive." I am alive. I am alive and God loves me. Though I'm not sure how the balance between free-will and God's sovereignty quite work, I know that God has a handle on what is going on in my life. He sees me, even when I feel quite invisible and small. He knows me even when it seems that no one does.
I'm dealing with a lot of loneliness related to school. There are many people that I love deeply who are far away from me now, perhaps forever. You know how it is, you promise to stay in touch and you really hope that it works, maybe even do everything in your power to see that it does, but in the end, it takes two people to stay in touch, and sometimes it doesn't happen.
Letting go is the hardest lesson to learn, whether you're graduating or not. We all have to let go every day. The truth is, we don't really own any of our possessions, and we never possessed any of the people in our lives. Every day, we let it all go and pray for God's will to be done.
So that is where I am right now, for those of you who wondered. Mostly I breathe in and out, waiting for the day when I don't have to remind myself to breathe in and out. I'm trying to rest up for whatever is next, both seeking and dreading it. I'm trying to remind myself that God is still on the throne, even if I don't have the faintest clue where my life is going. I could use your companionship and your prayers, and if you have any ideas for things that I should do, I'd be happy for the recommendation. I'll try just about anything once.