I'm just making a comment here, but it feels like no one ever comments on this blog! This is okay, but I like comments.
Today I was online researching churches for when I go home in just a few weeks. It's so funny...I did this last year. I wanted to join a college group and take dance classes. I was online for weeks figuring all of that out. I ended up doing neither...I met a group of people at a tea party that changed my social landscape (for the better), I spent a lot of time outside in dirt and bugs (taking pictures) and I fell in love. Little different from what I was thinking as I searched the internet.
I'm thinking about all of this as I search now. This is a perfect "little did she know" moment. I had no idea then that my summer would be different from anything I could imagine.
I'm sure this one will be too.
That doesn't stop me from thinking a little about it and trying to plan a little, but honestly, it is with less intensity (maybe I'm FINALLY learning balance!).
Every time I try to run ahead to this summer, even in my mind, I feel a check.
You're not there yet. Don't worry about it yet. Not yet.
I want to. Drat my humanness.
On the website for an old church of mine, I came across a small group leader list. I remember Mary, and I remember her with a different last name. This one which she has belongs to a guy I honestly had a huge crush on at one point, who she has obviously married (I have to admit that when I got to know them, it was obvious that they were going to end up together). This girl was roommates with my small-group leader, a part of my life at that time, though we were not close. Seeing her name made me smile and was a little strange.
I've moved on, and so has she. New season.
Today is Thursday, it marks a month since I've communicated with my ex. I'm moving on too. New season.
Summer is coming quickly, and I am trying not to miss Spring or cling to it too tightly. All of these classes and schedules are familiar, but coming to an end. I don't always enjoy the pace, but I will miss it soon enough as it gives way to the summer.
There are a lot of songs about summer. One of my favorites is "Summer Again" a haunting song penned by the Afters (personal friends of mine, the lead singer is married to a "Cara with a C" we are practically related, for more about my relationships with musicians, see my recent post "Matt and Me")
"Summer Again" tugs at my heart and is an example of one of my paradoxes. Although I dislike sadness, I love sad songs. I don't like sad movies (ask anyone who has tried to get me to watch Dickens - you know who you are) but I love sad songs. This song is about loss of what is as something new comes. It's about seasons, and really, my life. It haunts me.
Another song like that is "When the Summer's Gone" sung (and written) by Derek Webb and Sandra McCracken (who are married and marvelous). Sandra asks over and over again "will our love be strong when the summer's gone?" Seasons. New seasons.
This new season will bring me closer to many of you. I look forward to making memories, meeting new people, building relationships. Seeing what God has for this new season.
"Little Did She Know"