It's the end of April and rain is to be expected. Today I wore one of my dresses with a pair of capris. It is bright coral and makes me feel like a six-year-old in braids. It makes me want to jump in puddles and skip and play hopscotch.
But I'm a college student.
Last night, Shane Claiborne came to speak at my school. (For those of you who aren't familiar, he is the author of Irresistible Revolution). He came, he talked about poverty, made me feel guilty because I have more than one shirt.
He had a lot of good things to say and I honestly felt the truth behind his statements. There were times, however, when I wanted to stop him from saying things because I knew how they would be twisted. I knew how they would be heard and interpreted because I would have been one of those people once.
I heard some of the skewed interpretations today: "Was he really saying that we should be like the Amish?" "Was he saying that we shouldn't listen to anyone connected with the Emergent Church?"
"Be careful," I wanted to say. But he is a revolutionary.
I read a blog daily called Rabbit Room (there is a link here in my blogroll if you're interested). It's based on the concept of the "Rabbit Room" in the Eagle and Child Pub where C.S. Lewis and Tolkien, others (The Inklings) met and talked about stories and God and life. This Rabbit Room was started by a Christian recording artist (Andrew Peterson) who has added friends and now has many people who contribute. This site blesses me.
One recent post was by Evie Coates (I highly recommend reading the post)
The post begins like this: “Anyone can revolt. It is more difficult silently to obey our own inner promptings, and to spend our lives finding sincere and fitting means of expression for our temperament and our gifts.” Georges Rouault wrote or said that. For more on who he is, read the post.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about this post. There is nothing wrong with revolting for the right reason (that God has told you to) but sometimes I think it is harder to do as this quote suggests.
Just thinking out loud.
No one flay me and eat me on toast.
One thing Shane said last night stuck in my mind. "We need to learn to disagree well."
I'm good at disagreeing with people. When I say good, I mean that I do it often. I have learned to keep quiet (slowly) and to say things with tact (even more slowly). There was a day when everyone I met said that I should be a lawyer.
People don't say that anymore.
I'm battling with my passion for ministry right now. I know that my heart is to minister to the saints. I am passionate about God's people, though they make me sad, and weary sometimes. Like this week. Being a friend, being faithful, being a good daughter and sister, that is me right now. Oh, and I need to keep writing, even when it is hard, like today, after an intense workshop session in Freelance.
I am tired.
My heart also longs to minister as a wife and a mother.
Will you all please stop snickering.
Or worse yet.
I know that there is more to life. This is life right now that I am living.
There is an amazing song by Andy Gullahorn called "Give it Time." In it, he talks about all the little things about his wife that initially annoyed him. Silly things. Little things. Part of the chorus is: "I'm the soil, she's the seed, give it time and the flowers just grow on me."
Some seasons require a bit of rain-the flowers will come.
Just give it time.