Little Did She Know
I think it's time to tell the story of why I chose this name for my blog. As with most things in my life, there are several reasons. They got tacked up like snapshots on a bulletin board, and suddenly, it seemed that they had a common theme. Let me explain a bit.
I guess it really started when I went speed-dating at school. They called it T-Harmony, and everyone was fairly sure that it was a joke. Fairly sure.
Well, anyway, in my generally prepared way, I went online and looked up speed-dating questions. I read articles on proper procedure and I planned what questions I would answer and ask. There was one question which fascinated me, but I couldn't imagine how you could think of an answer during a speed-date.
I went that evening, and found that my planning was mostly unnecessary. It was a fun and interesting evening with nothing particularly exciting to report. Now it's one of those things I can say. You know, "so, I went speed-dating once."
But the question stuck with me.
"If you had to name your autobiography, what would the title be?"
I couldn't imagine answering that question in five minutes or less, even if I was silent the whole time and thought about it.
I began to think in earnest. (We'll get back to this)
If you know me well (or at all) you may also have guessed that almost everything in my life can be related to a movie. This is no exception. I'm trying to remember the first time I saw "Stranger Than Fiction." I can't. But I do remember the first time I heard about it. I was at a small group meeting several years ago, when the movie was in theaters. It was right around Christmas and one of the girls had seen it over break. It was during a time when she was really wanting to be in a relationship and to see where her life was going. She said it was strange to watch a movie like that. It made her look over her shoulder and wait for an author to enter into her mind as well.
There is a scene in that movie that I love. Those of you who have seen it may remember that the professor does a monologue related to the phrase "Little Did He Know." It is the presence of this phrase which tells him that Harold Crick, boring human, is in a real story. Someone other than him is saying this.
That concept intrigued me. There are so many times in my life that I've looked at something after it has happened and realized that I had no idea that it was going to or what it was going to do to me. Examples of this turn up daily (yes, daily).
One more snapshot, this one more recent. My pastor in Indiana did a sermon a while ago. Sometimes he says something that really sticks in my head. Usually, it's just a sentence, a small bit of something that connects to a larger idea and gives me something to hold on to. In this case he said this: "Embrace the 'I don't know.'"
Every day, I wake up and see a sticky note I wrote that phrase on. I grit my teeth, and I try to embrace what I don't know. Every day.
So, getting back to the title of this blog. You may have guessed by now that I decided that I would name my autobiography "Little Did She Know." You get the reasons. The concept of not writing my own story (even an autobiography) and the idea that no matter how prepared I try to be, nothing can prepare me for what I don't know, and embracing that.
This blog is my autobiography. I don't plan the entries in advance. I write about what happens. The things written about on this blog defy prediction.
Certainly, there are other things that happen in my life that I don't write about here. Rest assured, they are just as unexpected as anything on this site.
Sometimes life happens in dramatic and crazy ways, other times, the dramatic and crazy sneak up on you and force you to gasp. Either way, I find myself shrugging and reminding myself that I didn't have much to do with it. I'm just a character. I just show up and walk through every day little knowing what might lie ahead.